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Okay I feel abandoned as the only one posting here anymore lol! What happened?
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I can't be
perfect
can't be instantly pure
doesn't matter
how many times
you cycle your soul
through the laundry
you will have
to wash it again
but I'm
going to hang mine
on a country
clothesline
and let the breeze
tell it things
that it needs to hear
let the smell
of fresh cut lawns
soothe it's thoughts
and do
what i could not
and let all
the things that
jumble up
slip away
I can't wear it
like a pair of shoes
throw them out
when they get
worn through
it's with me forever
I'm with it too
Thank God
for love
and summer time
let it hang on
that sagging line
It can hear you
across the way
the person
who takes me
in at the end of the day
all soft and warm
when I've let
all that sun
soak up my worries
and take them away
your my saving grace
my happy mood
that is only
a moment away
please
let's take me
out tomorrow
and hang me on the line
* * *
sometimes I wonder
why we fail
then there it is
the thing I've
been searching for
we spend all our time
stepping round
the fine line

" We'll lets cross it
gott get across it
loves no use if
I won't talk to you
we've got to break it
if were going make it
baby, lets talk it through"

Everything in that moment
became so clear
I've been holding
all that expression in
hiding it from you
because I thought
that was the way
to love you
now i'm finding out
almost too late
that it's not true

" We'll lets corss it
gotta get across it
theres no use
if I won't
talk to you
we've got to break it
if were goina
make it
baby, lets talk
it through.

Current Mood:
artistic
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What was it that drove you from my arms?

Was I not good enough for you?

Or was it that I wasn't "good" enough for you?

I'll show you mine but yours are hidden.

A promise. Months waited. So close

To the date where I come home and we

come together.


Was I not worth the wait?

Was the cheap whore you picked up on the corner of Kellogg and Cordata

Worthy of the greatest gift you had to offer?

Tears streaming down my face as I watched her get into your car

And drive away forever, leaving me behind without an answer.


Nothing stings a woman quite as harshly as abandonment for a lesser woman

You go on down your path, devouring all you desire,

Stealing all you can,

Am I to feel honored having been passed over?

Or slighted for not having been fucked?

Silence is between us now. No words can heal.

Nothing but love.
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Hi. I'm here to break Colleen's monopoly with a couple of my randomy almost-poetry things. also, writing things in lines and stanzas makes me feel like i'm boxing myself in.


vacant
passion? no, passion an' love are just convenience, and just too convenient for me. just some time, is all, and then it's over -- no stand still or hand clasp, barely products of it left behind, far too vacant to carry forward.
emotionally vacant. just two words left to banter 'gether, play at a prescription that can't be helped. 20 questions of feeling better and how's it going make it worse -- a stab into a heart that doesn't quite know normal now. just a then and a now to place things and the details of whodunnit as things matter less and less, just an empty shell to the cold.
things happen, that can't be explained, you see, and waiting for it makes it worse. best to keep going, try and flow with it, and give your life to the current. words can't save you, here and after, when all they do is wrap things, a label to provide to the nothing left inside, just an abandoned home for where the heart is.


something new
passion falls, a fruit from gentle branches left swinging in the breeze from the passing of angry mobs, torch-bearing, wielding a collective grimace to frighten even the smallest seed from its apple, smoldering eyes and burning tongues sending smoke signals to whatever god to come down and let me know that maybe i should try something new.
new like the tiptoe of spoken syllables through clouds of smoke and mirrors, dancing through the minds of whoever might hear to the beat like a drum, or the tap-tap on window that recalls you from reverie, that dream you had of greatness dying in the sunlight of the mid-morning after.
or new like the glances i give you accidentally against the scowl that leans back unexpectedly in the blank stare of easy distraction, cold like the night under a mute winter's moon to the soft like the snow that crunches under boots i avert my eyes and wish for what wasn't seen, but was if only i read too deeply, grasping for roots and sand that slips through fingers as warm air escapes chapped lips, and i breathe.
or new like the heat that burns paper to ash and dust to dust, while a cough and a gasp yield only smoke, and tongues burn away at the taste of fire and parchment used not for syllables but flares; becoming popular with each puff, each sting and each breath, each cloud a step forward for death to come save us with something new.
new like the fall of passion to ground and just as sudden in the wake of the careless, sweet like the pain of a cut to the flesh, but just a newsbreak to say 'hey, this isn't hell yet!' so we drop a little farther and dig down a little deeper before wond'ring if that's light over there, or if it's just another turn-around to the place we thought was there.
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* * *
I'm tired of having to sell myself to survive.
Addiction is everything
hunger.motion.passion.starve
I'll do anything to feed this
Including you, my lowest bidder.
I'll be anything to prove my worth
Feed me, fuck me
hold me, sustain me
Love me, or leave.
Just be exactly as you are.

I'm tired of trying selling myself to you.
What does it take to prove to you that
I am this good, I am this true
I'll love you forever
and forget about you in a day.

Nothing I have is of any worth
and these jewels I've laid at your feet,
the fruits of my labor,
cannot win the tiniest piece of you
or earn the smallest place in your heart.

I am nothing. You are the same.
Together...what would we make?
Yet you will not feed my emptiness
You will not rid me of hunger
And I'll die at your feet.

Current Location:
my room
Current Mood:
high.
Current Music:
johnny cash- hurt
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Is there a pill that can fill this emptiness
Cure this loneliness
Make me feel more than sub-human?
From connection to isolation
I've fallen with a heavy load to bear
While you walk along,
Carefree and radiant,
Proving to me once again
That I am nothing
And you will always be everything.

Lifeless am I
My world incomplete
Portions missing from my heart
Like puzzle pieces misplaced.
And who am I to wonder
Who you gave them to today.
And who am I to suppose
You thought any more of me.

* * *
Hope for all eternity

The warmth of you overcomes me
With this simple embrace.
I feel the heat from your body
Hard against mine
Grasping, seeking, desiring the whole of me
Not for some trite evening of forgetful pleasures
Or torrid romance ending in disaster
But for me.

For the love that transcends distance, time,
even death.
Your every gesture speaks to me
More love than I have ever known
You are my everything, forever
I will never forsake nor forget you
Or give up the hope of our love.
You cannot chase this love away
Or deny it's existence
Because we were more real to each other
Than the rain beating torrents upon your windshield.

We are everything.

"For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me."
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I keep stumbling upon "poems" long forgotten, and thought I'd post a few.

11/1/05 Silent Observation

Observing anniversaries, silent.
Emotions thought long past
Resurface, as memories of what was
Return to haunt my mind.
No more tears
Only numbness remains
So why must this quiet memorial take place?


2/2/06 Show me Love

I'm a dreamer
of lives and wishes
loves and kisses
because I have none of my own.

A lover of all
scholar of the world
around me; the ultimate
observer, yet
none will have me.

And I will have none.
Peer into my soul
see me for who I am;
and love me.


3/31/06 April Fools

April fools are we:
you for leaving,
and me for caring.
I offer an unconditional love
You cannot comprehend.
You may never have such a love as me again,
But I still have my depth
of love and passion to give.
But having become the fool once,
Will I repeat my mistake
Or learn from this one
Fall from love?


4/29/06 Don't

Don't walk alone at night,
Sweetheart.
You know what happens there.
Amongst the dark allies and dim streetlights
You'll find your final rest.
None are immune, especially you
So don't let youth's capriciousness
lead you astray.
Come home to me, stay with me
I'll protect you
Lest you be picked off like all the rest
Until there is nothing left of your kind.
Don't you ever forget:
The streets are not safe.


I guess that is all for now.
Current Location:
Fort Fagsworth
Current Mood:
procrastinating
* * *
I know that in winter the world only has room for death.
Your room was no different. My head held still, my eyes
open. I remember trying to watch the breath
that slid from your mouth down the curve of my thigh
as you sang your sonnets, both brave and sly.

Not that there was any loot for the taking.
Only that I wanted that pattern, some norm.
Only that my hungry heart begged for some breaking.
I suppose I take love it all of its forms,
wanting only to be touched and made warm.

But the world rushes forth. We both felt its tilt,
but only you wanted that fine break, that split soil
between our continents. I watched the rain and the flowers wilt
in surrender. As though they could survive the wet turmoil.
I never surrender. I am not proud…simply loyal.

Pride is another thing though! Another point not allowed
to me in the end. You offered it as though you think
the field is happy to be so thoroughly plowed
or my pages to be blotted with your miserable ink.
Such an honor to emerge so close to the brink

of every teenage depression, of every kid fear,
of every nightmare from which one cannot wake.
I walked everyday through mists. I saved every tear
in a bottle. They were, after all, your tears to take.
You made love a crater, so I made it a lake.

Because I, like any creature, only strive to create
something solid from nothing. To give the transparent blue
of the air and the ocean a more solid weight.
We all search for comfort. We only find what’s true.
So I find myself in the cold where I pass the dates
inside static and watch my breath without you.
Current Location:
Ft. Fagsworth
Current Mood:
thankful thankful
Current Music:
Army of Me - Bjork
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